In the past we made friends, had families and fell apart, loved ones lost, scattered across the world and contacting them was damn near impossible, it seems they were gone forever. But then came Facebook, all those lost friends and loved ones can come back into your life in new ways, and in some ways you get a view into their lives in a way you never knew before. But what happens when they are truly gone, join me on a truly haunting and real life phenomenon, as Facebook not only gives you a look into the lives of dead ones, but also acts as a disturbing memorial into their lives.
About two months ago I had heard that someone who I was friends with on Facebook had died, as you do, I went over to their page I guess with the thought of leaving a touching message, instead I was taken a little aback, their last message on Facebook was “After all these years of misery, something really great is about to happen!” this message was posted less than ten minutes before this person died, it was posted from their mobile as they travelled to their death. The person in question was a passenger in a car that crashed on a highway. I looked back through her last postings on Facebook, it was a mixture of doom and gloom and great humour, there was lots of support during the bad times from friends, but on the whole it was a really sad glimpse into someone’s life. The person in question, had struggled with relationships, drug addiction, but come through the other side and had just been cast in a television show as a pivotal character.
Around the same time I had read a message on someone’s Facebook status that was giving thanks for having known someone who had passed recently. Despite not knowing this person I compelled to look at that persons Facebook page, which was only partially hidden from general view. This time it was all upbeat, all good; a person who looked after people, and loved their life so much. Their last post was about what a great time they had at an event, and how much they were looking forward to doing the same next year. As I discovered from online news pages, less that 24 hours later this person was taken ill, and had died from a mystery illness. Only a few days earlier they had also added photographs of a visit to a beach, the person in question was pictured having so much fun, and seemed so full of life.
It’s an intensely disturbing experience looking at the Facebook page of someone you know has died, It’s worse still if they post an update near to the time of their death.
As more and more people sign up to Facebook, more and more people will of course die, and you have to ask is Facebook such a good idea? Imagine a very close loved one, a relative of yours dying and their page still being there for all to see. It’s a sobering thought, it may well have already happened to you.
If you’re the one left behind what do you do with that persons Facebook account? Keep it open, arrange to have it closed, and censor it? If you close it, are you being disrespectful to that person. Facebook offer a service that will do anything from closing the account, to turning it into an online memorial.
If you’re a friend, wasn’t it better to be in a time where in your head these people have just gone on with their lives, and as far as your concerned living a great life?
There is of course another side to this, imagine waking up on your birthday, logging in to Facebook in order to pick up your birthday messages and instead discovering that your brother and his friend had died, and the first you knew of it was by logging in to Facebook. This is exactly what happened to twins Angela and Mayanne Vourlis, it seemed everyone knew of the deaths before they or even their own mother did. Bobby Vourlis and two friends had died tragically in a car accident.
Bobby Vourlis
Facebook has a habit of breaking bad news to you faster than the usual methods, while thousands of people have learned about infidelity through the site, a lot more like Angela and Maryanne have learned of those passing, and what a horrible way. I myself have a friend who heard of a relative’s death via Facebook, it’s a mortifying shock to the system, a chilling bolt through the heart that you can’t forget, and that you deeply wished you had heard another way. The traditional “Sit down I need to talk to you about something…” conversation is far better to stomach than logging online to discover “RIP Nanna!”
It’s also worth bearing in mind the messages and comments you leave for others, I cannot begin to think about the pain you must feel if your last message was either less than charitable, or at best offensive.
Thinking of my own mortality, I have to ask what Facebook status’s I’ll be leaving in future, those petty gripes and irritations might help sooth your mind at the time, but what will they mean for those left behind, those messages with double meanings might well be the thing that haunts someone for a lifetime.
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